Kicking and Screaming

Kicking and screaming he takes a while to calm.
He struggles for a while to trust in his mom.
I hold him close, wishing he'd just understand,
that he's always safe in his mother's hand.
And this sight seems all to familiar to me now.
Likewise, my heavenly Father's comfort I don't allow.
I realize now my child and I's struggle's the same
and now I'm covered in guilt and shame.

But I feel him quickly carry me
and the pain, the burden, the worry, I feel it all flee.
I'm weightless now holding my child,
delighting in him and feeling beguiled.
Thank You for Your abounding grace.
I'll rest in it 'till I see You face to face.
Then in Your arms I'll forever be,
thankful you saved a wicked sinner like me.

A promise made to me long ago

When I was 16 and I first began my relationship with Jesus I was very much into my artwork. From the very beginning I've always felt really close to God when I created something, wether it be through writing or through art. My art went through a drastic change, from images of handcuffs and of alcohol to images with much more depth behind them, a direct result of my lifestyle change. There is one piece in particular that I remember most, which I have no idea why I created, or where the inspiration came from.

The image is the silhouette of a pregnant young girl laying on her side with her hair down. She is surrounded by the verse in Matthew 11:28 that says "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." The image became no more than a sketch, and as far as I can remember only I have seen it, unlike most of my other work. Today I realize this image was meant to stay between God and I and that it would have been seen much differently then as it would be now.

I now realize he made a promise to me then which I was too young in my faith to understand, but he constantly points me back to that promise today saying, "What I promised you then, I promise you now. I was there with you then and I'm here with you now. I will provide, I will protect. Trust in me." God knew the plans He had for me. He knew motherhood at a young age is what He had in store for me, and He told me then and He reminds me today that it is not easy, but I am not doing it alone.

Thank you God for your constant reminders. Thank you for the fact that even though I doubt you and lack trust in you at times you continually bless me and provide for me. Help my unbelief.

About me

I am a 20 year old Mexican born housewife, and mama to be. I'm currently living in Austin, Tx and absolutely love my city. My husband Ryan and I have been married for over a year and are expecting the birth of our baby boy, Ezra, late this March. We have been adopted by a merciful and gracious God and we live our lives as followers of Jesus. We strongly cling to the promise God has made us in every life decision we make:
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,
for those who are called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:28

Charlie Banana Wet Bag Review

Initially I had planned to make my own wet bag, in order to save the most amount of money possible. But with limited fabric supplied and with baby Ezra's arrival being around the corner, I caved and decided to just purchase one instead; I'm glad I did. I had thought I would purchase the Gdiaper one, seeing as how that's the cloth diaper I chose to stick to, but I didn't want to have to pay for shipping. While at target I stumbled upon a Charlie Banana wet bag.

And although it set me back around $20, there's many things about it I really like. For starters, it's adorable, there was several prints but I went with the one named "under construction". It's also really big, so it's capable of holding a cloth diaper and an entire baby outfit if the need arises. It's machine washable, which is a MUST for me. I also like the fact that the company supports the organization Operation Smile. And my FAVORITE part of the wet bag has to be the terry piece added to the inside of the bag so that you can add your favorite essential oil to it.

My suggestion, add a mixture of tea tree oil and lavender to it. The tea tree oil will keep your bag safe from mold or mildew and disinfects, but my husband HATES the smell. I mixed it with a bit of lavender which itself has great disinfectant properties but also serves as a deodorant. PERFECT! Now you have a clean diaper bag that doesn't smell, and when you get home you can throw everything in the wash. Sometimes the investment is worth the convenience.

An Irrational Fear of Mine

This is the last day I have of the 7 in 7 challenge and I'm running low on things to write about. But last night I was thinking about what people don't really know about me and I finally thought of something: my irrational fear of haircuts. 

Okay here it goes, it's been almost FOUR years since my last haircut. That's longer than I have known my husband for. I know that's weird, and my hair is unhealthy. But it's very unlikely you'll find me at the hair salon anytime soon. I've used several excuses as to why I won't cut my hair, with the most dominant one being that it's very expensive to get a good haircut. I realized that was just an excuse when my sweet sister offered me a good haircut. 
Every time I've gotten my haircut since I was young I walked out with hair at chin length and tears in my eyes. The first one I can remember being when I was around nine. I asked the hair dresser to make me look like Cinderella (I was nine give me a break) but she must have thought I said Snow white because she cut all of my hair off. 

This became a pattern in my life with the most recent occurrence also being my last haircut. I never intended to have my hair that short but after it was done I was glad for about a day because it angered the boyfriend I had at the time whom I happened to be mad at. Someone should have told 15 year old me that I was insane. I guess I REALLY hated the haircut because when I went looking for pictures my hair was either in a tiny ponytail or I had extensions in. I did find a couple pictures though, here's one. 

Ever since then I have not trusted hair dressers. My husband suggested some time ago that I get a mommy haircut before the birth of Ezra and I just about lost it. After he mentioned it I began having nightmares about it and I woke up almost in tears. As I showed my husband pictures of my short hair he said "to be honest I like your hair much better short." Short hair? Again?! Does he know how many years I waited for my hair to grow back?

I don't know why the thought of having short hair freaks me out so much. I wonder if I just don't like change when it comes to my appearance. I guess I like being used to what I see in the mirror. Hopefully my child won't get his first haircut before mama gets one. Maybe one day I'll get the courage to get a haircut, for the sake of my husband. What's the longest you've ever gone without a haircut?

One of the Criminals

I'm pretty sure this is cheating as far as the 7 for 7 challenge is involved, but I'm reposting a blog post I had on my old blog because it's the same thing I was wanting to write today. Also I'm really tired and was going to write nothing so I figured this was better.

This was originally written December 16, 2011,
before Ryan and I were even married.

One of the Criminals

You, you who I pray I am completely found in,
you have paid the price to set me free
For all eternity you had been in paradise, in perfect communion
you did not know the pain of sin, the hurt of being alone
but two thousand years ago you stepped into my pain
you left everything I long for in exchange for everything I long to leave
You wrapped yourself in my foolish flesh, and felt the pain of man
but you showed us how we are to live, and to love, and you did no wrong
Still you received the ultimate punishment as you made a way for me
you were beaten and bruised and your father left you
so He could be with me and your poured out blood could cover me
Oh how I long to hang next to you on that cross,
with my last breath proclaiming my faith for you, sweet Jesus
For my soul longs to hear you say:
“Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.”


Today I am tired, exhausted, drained
And longing to feel unconstrained
There's a consuming hunger inside me
And I'm begging God for the discomfort to flee

He responds by sending gentle motion
And filling me with overwhelming emotion
The work is hard but the reward is so sweet
He reminds me with a vision of two little feet

For this is just the start of what I'm called to be
Yet the provision promised ahead is hard to see
But He sees me labor and be heavy laden
And He grants me sweet rest, rest found only in Him